WTF!RPG

New players entering an rpg game are usually those quiet little buggers, silent, eager to enter the ‘inner circle’, and overtly cautious in what they do.  Whether they be experienced or inexperienced rpgers, newly entered PCs usually feel the ground and inch slowly into the fore.  So, no one expected this to happen.  We all had a clue he would enter with a bang (especially with such a character name as Sistah Blistah) – but not in such a flame-covered poo-whirling fashion.  Eherm, let me best explain…

Warning:  Toilet Humor

A party of adventurers had just infiltrated the evil stronghold of the Demon Lord called Zan’Thul.  It is a rather inefficient party – the leader of which is a young child, barely out of his teens, and never once experienced battle outside the colorful books he’s read inside the monastery.  His defender was a fragile old tiefling lass, who’s beauty and charisma was her greatest talent, at least better than her flimsy use of the sword and shield.  Accompanying them is a thousand year old warlock, just woken from his imprisonment – and whose motives are as volatile as his temper.  And finally, the stealthy drow rogue, formerly an acrobat from the circus, and whose loyalty for the team is only skin deep.

In this session. two new players are introduced in the game.

And since the party was already too deep in the complex – their presence was then explained by making them prisoners of the deadly new Demon.  One was Ranger Bob, who had the appearance of a farmer – while the other is the leather-clad, dominatrix-wearing hairy, hairy man named Sistah Blistah.

The party decided to take the appearance of prisoners, so they had a captive goblin escort them into the Slave Pens – in an attempt to appear as new slaves for the trade.  However, their lack of insight (they forgot to remove their weapons) had revealed them for what they were.  Before the Warden and his guards were to slay the group, Sistah Blistah made her entrance.

Imprisoned, naked, and with no weapons – Sistah asked the GM what weapon he can use.

Ranger Bob, desperate, decided to scoop a handful of his own ‘dungeon poo’ (it seems every dungeon has one) and used Twin Strike to hurl two consecutive Volleys at the nearby Goblin guard.  Using the new rules for Imrpovised Weapons… the poo dealt massive damage, and killed the goblin.  The GM decided to allow it, allowing the concept of Ranger Bob’s constipation and the rock-hard poo.

Following close to his partner’s ingenious tactic, Sistah Blistah also scooped his own poo, and cast a flame spell upon it – hurling it to another guard… making him catch fire and die in an instant.

By this time, with two goblin guards dead by poo – and the warden and his guards in great confusion – the distraction and death allowed the party to collect themselves and defeat their captors.  It ends happily, if a bit smelly.  They free the slaves, and the two poo-wielding heroes join the group to go and slay the evil Demon Lord.

♦♦♦♦

Mr. Nonsense Notes:

The Poo Scene broke my brain.  It almost killed the feel and the theme of the game, as when we faced the Demon Lord, our minds were still fresh of the poo-hurling incident.  Thankfully, with clever handling and genuine danger to the character’s lives (as well as the awesome Conan Soundtrack) managed to bring back the inherent fear and cautiousness of facing a demon.

The entire story is outlined here by Pointyman.

But for almost breaking the game, and by the hurling and killing of goblinoid guards by something as WTF as constipated poo.  This really deserves a nod in the Official Brand of WTF Moments.