WTF!RPG

This character, is unfortunately, one of our main members in our DND Trial Group run by Pointyman – played by one of our more eccentric players whom I’ll hide under the name Pan.  Pan has one of the unique (if a bit fevered and disruptive) imaginations in our gaming group, and indeed – sometimes exhibit the wildest most eccentric concepts since Tentaclese.  This, unfortunately, is not a plus very often – since he tends to shower us with one of the many WTF concepts alongside very long WTF dialogues which can derail an entire campaign.

Among his concepts was Thrashcan Man, a thrashcan which has gained sentience and decided to fight the good fight … possibly to prevent the greenhouse effect or something.  Ladykiller, a happy-go-lucky mass murdering tiefling with alien antennaes for horns and a heart shaped tail.  And his upcoming Fairyman Jason Bourne in the Changeling campaign has me twiddling thumbs.

The most recently released WTF character he’s made has to be Billie, the Goat Paladin.  Whose name alone requires an entry here in this web blog… as a brain-breaking WTF Character.

With no further ado…

Billie the Goat is a tiefling Paladin – initially made to optimize a Charisma Build of the Paladin Class in DND 4E.  Tieflings were blessed with a charisma based “Hellfire” ability and the Paladin has dozens of similarly based Smites, so it was natural choice.  However, we did not expect the character concept that seemed to pop out of Coney island Hansel and Gretel Hell suitably merged with a mutated version of Billie Goats and Arthurian Romance.

Billie is one of those tieflings kidnapped since childhood – and raised by a demonic family in the countryside.  It was later revealed that Billie was raised by the evil hag family as a goat, so that someday she may be eaten in a rare Demon-Goat-Stew.  A family of hags, she was given a small Metallic Bell strapped in her neck – so she would not get far without alerting the demon farmers.  In time, she was given the name “Billie the Goat.”  And indeed she began to believe herself less of a tiefling and more of a goat.

But all damsels in distress have their prince in shining armors.  It appears even Goat-damsels have one. She was rescued by a Paladin of Torm… who chanced upon the “beautiful” goat in his travel.  (Why such a Paladin would be attracted to a goat is beyond me… and I do not want to think about this particular paladin’s ‘preferences…’) He decided to save her from her captors.  And using his holy powers, smote the evil demon hags and rescued the goat-damsel from being their future meal.

Unfortunately, Billie was already too far gone in her adolescence – and was too late to correct her perception of her being a goat.  Billie still wears the Bell she had since childhood – in belief that all goats must keep one… and yes, it still jingles with her armor.  To salvage the now homeless young “goat” – The paladin took her under his tutelage and taught her the tenets of Torm.   In time, she became a fully fledged, fully-plate-armored paladin.  With a Bell, a Hoof, a Horn, and a Baa.

And that’s just the beginning of her story.

♦♦♦♦

Mr. Nonsense notes:

The concept of a Warhammer wielding beautiful Goat-girl smiting evil isn’t an original idea after all… oh wait, yes, I do think it was a disturbingly original idea… and I can only be thankful I am not the GM for that game.   As if that wasn’t enough, she placed all her points on charisma…  (A Charisma of 20) which made her an incredibly beautiful goat that would render anyone to go out with wild abandon… Billy is a rather ineffective tank-defender in the party, her build being Charisma… making her very vulnerable HP-wise.  There were even moments when the Wizard was the one tanking for the team.  (That did not go well either)

In the end, her charisma specialty has made her become somewhat of the ‘FACE’ of the team — especially with her +5 to charisma rolls. It just seemed so wrong that the FACE of the team has to be a She-Goat…  And I begin to wonder how goats truly conduct their rolls for diplomacy.

For that Beautiful Goat “Belle” in Full Plate and that Paladin Rescuer with questionable preferences… this deserves an Official Brand of WTF.