WTF!RPG

It has been quite some time since my last post.  And this was simply because – well, GMs and players in my gaming group got so self-conscious of being posted here that they began avoiding WTF concepts entirely.  (For short, things turned incredibly sane.)  But despite the long downtime… I cannot resist, because this latest WTF moment truly deserves a slot in this blog.  So, with no more delays, our gaming group’s latest brand of WTF.

“GM Mawf had been planning a god game for quite some time now – formulating his own homebrew rules to accurately portray the powerlevel of newborn gods into the world of man.   I had been gearing up (for a very long time) to play my Scion character, Will, who’s concept is basically a fireman chosen by Wotan/Odin to lead his newest most inexperienced valkyries  (from all walks of life) into finding worthy souls in the modern day world.  So, when Mawf pitched the game to the group – that he was going to run a game akin to Neil Gaiman’s American Gods, I practically jumped at the invitation.  I converted my character from Scion into the new homebrew game, prepped my mind for gaimanish ideas and was ready to let loose.   I further designed Will as a tortured character, divorced, with a daughter who hates him, and alone in the apartment drowning himself in beer and nachos.  His whole plot revolves around second chances, and the fiery rebirth the valkyries would offer him upon his “Ascension.”   Of course, I never truly expected what happened next…

To simplify the entire wackiness of the game – I’ll just enumerate the most notable of the many upon many crazy wackiness that happened ingame:

1.  THE FIREMAN’S HOSE. My character, a FIREMAN whom I tailored under the appearance of Will Smith, had encountered the Valkyrie indeed – except she appeared to him in Full Battle Dress, with Wings, a medieval Axe, and a complete ignorance of modern knowledge.  When she cornered my character to tell him that he was indeed a “god” and needed to help people in need – my character replied that he knew nothing of weapons.  Sarcastically, he said that if he is needed to save someone, he’d need a ROPE and FIREMAN’S HOSE, in order to do so.  The Valkyrie disappeared instantly flying away.  Later at night, while my character had come home – he did find the Valkyrie back, and she brought back his request.  Except it wasn’t a Fireman’s hose she brought, but some ROPE and fireman’s HOES.  Two unsavory, undressed women was sitting in my character’s bed – motioning for him to join them.  (To make matters worse, my character’s Ex-Wife had indeed made an unannounced visit upon my character’s home, resulting in hilarity.)

2. BATMAN’S WAX STATUE COLLECTION. We, later in the story, realized that the greater gods were engaged in a Great War to the South Pole.  So we departed to find an informant – a Bat God – to find out more about the problem.  The god turned out to be noone else than BATMAN himself, complete with the Michael Keaton getup, and had an unnatural obsession with Heath Ledger (Bless his soul).  We had to procure a wax statue of Heath and trade it in exchange for whatever he knew.  Whatever he had planned on that statue… I did not want to know.

3. A RECORD-BREAKING THROW. My character later awakened into a diety of Heroism, who had immense talent in athletics.  It was thus so that when a player asked him to throw him to the END OF THE WORLD – My character threw him so far with an awesome roll, that he ended up in the END OF TIME instead.  The player character then was forced to live through billions and billions of years from the dinosaur age, to the ice age, to shakespearean age, until finally finding his way back to the modern age.  I think he got pretty darn pissed.

4.  SECRET AGENTS, SECRET BASES, AND EBAY. After my character had ‘created’ an epic item using his god-powers, another player character “Spider” – a hacker and computer specialist decided to make herself one as well.  She then logged on into her god-like login name and bought a multimillion dollar, self-conscious, super-secret organization with high-tech machinery –  in E-BAY.  She clicked the “buy now” button and voila.  She was the goddess of computers and the net, after all, EBAY was her beach.

5.  OBI WAN KENOBI IS OUR ONLY HOPE. One of the players then decided to be the goddess of Scifi and decided to create as her haven the U.S.S Voyager (From Star Trek) and conjure Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars) as her guardian.  She armed us with phaser guns and Jedi lightsabers.  She thus, became the living embodiment of “The Force.”  ( This turns insane when later – when the group was having problems with Time Distrortions, she was forced to choose someone to act as the Guardian of TIME:  Namely, Obi Wan Kenobi.  ‘Obi Wan Kenobi, you are our only hope!’)

6. HERE HOE ISMS – After my deeds of heroism became known – my daughter finally took notice.  (but in a bad way.)  She approached my ex-wife, showing the TV clip of where I was being interviewed.  I was pretty proud.  Little did I know that the two fireman’s HOES from episode one was standing behind me in suggestive clothes blowing kisses to the camera.  My Ex-Wife threw a fit, and there went any chance I had of bringing back the marriage.  “Mommy, Mommy, What’s a HOE?”

That’s just a few, this is not including the Frost Giant’s Heart and the microwave, Will’s Almost Superman/Marty McFly moment, and various other things I may have missed in the other player’s solo game moments.  Eitherway… the gods are indeed crazy, it seems.  Or drunk, at the very least.

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Mr. Nonsense says: I broke my brain.  It bled, and all logic just dripped into the floor.  The earlier game sessions still danced around seriousness and wackiness, but eventually with high magic mawf games, with godlike powers and crazy player ideas – things just went completely haywire.  It began with little things, like waking up finding the apartment turned into a Norse Magical Kingdom.  Then later, the arrival of Kung-fu Heaven and the goddess of Cookery, and then the BATMAN/Heath Ledger bit just broke the spell that this was not going to be a Gaimanish game anymore.   So much that the tortured Fireman embraced it and eventually turned into Hancock.  As thus, this deserves The Official Brand of WTF.